taking up offenses

I have written and deleted three times what is in my heart to say today. I am not really sure how to start so please be patient with me. Yesterday I went to a memorial of sorts for a child who died a year ago. He was almost two and had lived his short life sick and much of it suffering. Just days after we arrived in Ohio, he had passed away. The child's parents and their three other children go to our church. We met them at dinner not long after Avery's death. I was shocked at their strength and resoluteness to live. Over the months we have become friends. Last Wednesday we were invited to meet in the church parking lot and send off balloons to remember and celebrate Avery's life. I was honored to be asked, because we had never met Avery. As Chip (Avery's Dad) prayed and thanked God for Avery's life I felt overwhelmed with the unfairness of it all. Their children started sobbing, as did Savannah. Memories of loosing my nephew began sinking in anew. I know this is so unchristian but I yelled out inside "God what are You thinking?" "Why do You let these things happen?" "Do You have the power to heal or not?" Jason says there is room in his view of God for suffering, and because I have such a merciful heart that it is a hard one for me to grasp. I know that I am the child and that God the Father knows best even though I do not understand. How can I understand I am only a child? But today I am fighting the desire to slam my door, turn up my radio, and ignore His reasoning. I want to put my hands over my ears and yell LALALALA! The funny thing is that Avery's parents never question God. It makes me wonder why I am taking up their offenses. Who am I to be mad at God for something that did not happen to me? Just as I had trouble starting this post, I don't know how to end; I am unresolved. I guess I will just wait out today and let my anger diminish. I do this a lot and so far God seems to love me anyway. I will not stay angry forever. God has a way of easing me out of it, just like a father can cause his child to smile after a hard day.