butterflies

Jason and I have a home group and there are several new Christians in the bunch. I have found it such a sweet thing to watch their faces as the light goes on and they understand. Or even when their faces crumble up in a lack of understanding at the Christian ease thrown around the room. The red flush that comes over them as they build up the nerve to ask and risk looking silly is also so beautiful. It causes me to remember being wooed by my sweet Jesus. As a child I literally got butterflies thinking about Him. Sometimes at night I would dress up in my best night gown and hope He could see me as I talked to Him. For a while I had a flashlight and a long note pad. I would stay up at night and write to my Lord. I remember one night realizing I may not remember all the bad things I did that day and not be able to tell Him. I was so scared He would be angry, and not forgive me if I did not give Him my apology. I think that is the first night I really heard God. He knew I could never remember, He knew I was doomed to fail. Then I felt this amazing warmth and I saw in place of the black spot I see when I close my eyes, the cross. Jesus told me that night He would have died on the cross only for me, if I was the only one. I was nine and my life was gone to Him for good. I have made many mistakes along the way and God seemed far away sometimes, but I have always been His. Last night as I watched the faces around the room, I remembered, and again... I got butterflies.