car trouble

Jason went on a camping trip and took the van. I have his car! UGG!
I took it on the freeway yesterday and it shook and shimmied so hard that my arms were shaking
New tires $240
Each time I stopped a loud rotating screech sounded...
new brakes and rotors $420
It's getting really bad gas mileage too
I will try a new air filter
Fun! Fun! Fun!

Today

i am at the beach
can there be anything better than this?
i watch the glistening shadows of my daughters diving under the waves like little dolphins
i can feel them dreaming of becoming mermaids and swimming in beauty far into the sea
i sit, and watch, and listen
each warm pearl of sand wraps around my feet taking its place between my toes
the sea beats onto the shore with a melody always different and always familiar
the sun is setting and the girls are dark silhouettes now
i squint to see them, they smile and wave as if to tell me they have not yet transformed into mermaid glory
can there be anything better than this?
for this moment i have forgotten the mourning
i can only see the vast expanse
in this moment i believe all mothers will live forever
tomorrow i will remember cancer, small petty cancer
that which seeks to kill and destroy
today i will think of gallant freedom where mind and body are glorious
where waves are brawny and beckoning and i answer their call

Cosette

April 1995

June 2006


Savannah says she can’t remember her life without her. Cosette has been in our family for eleven years. We have grown, moved, had financial crisis and windfalls, she has seen kids grow up and move out and kids be born. Cats, hamsters and rabbits have all come and gone while she remained. She got up with me every morning and was always happy to see me. She has been, for a good long time, a constant in our lives. Sometimes we looked at her and thought “good dog” other times we did not feel so full of affection. She had her issues. She loved to get in the trash, bark if we left her out, and she fought with other dogs. She never really got the “heel” command when we went on walks, and her puppy years were simply a nightmare. After she lost her eye I never got much praise from other dog lovers saying how beautiful she was. Close friends called her “winky” or even the “one eyed monster”. She never seemed to mind. She was always happy to see them. She was a family dog through and through. She barked at the girls if she thought they were getting too high on the playground set. She barked at Jason if she thought he was wrestling too hard with Chris. Cosette is in almost every Christmas and birthday picture we have. (Never mind she was always moving, and we can only see a tail, nose, or ear.) She was always under foot. She was a companion. She was my curly tailed, one eyed, dumpster diving dog.

Lola

I did it! I joined the ranks of soccer moms everywhere. Friday afternoon Jason bought me a minivan. It has power doors, locks, windows and separate climate control for everyone. After going to the grocery store and pushing a button to open the back hatch the question “Why did I fight this for so many years?” came flooding into my mind. As I drive along the road I now see why every other car is a minivan. Convenience, and comfort just may be more important than forever being labeled dorky parents. What may make us even goofier than owning a minivan is the fact that we named her Lola. We hope she does not disappoint. Only time will tell if she was honest about how much gas she eats, and how long she will last. We have (as with every car) promised to care for her with the utmost concern. Here are a few pictures of Lola we hope you love her as much as we do.

Christian perfection???

I have had a really hard time this quarter getting teachers for the weekend services. Just when I think I have enough someone drops out or is disqualified because of background checks or personal issues. The disqualification is what I need to talk about. I cannot explain how difficult it is to tell someone they are not able to teach because of life issues. I see these people working hard to change their lives and wanting to serve. They may even want to teach their own child's class. I find something in their recent past or they share an emotional issue and I make the decision that they simply can't teach. Don't get me wrong some of the things I find out definitely take them out of the running. Life choices before we meet the Lord never disqualify us from heaven but can disqualify us from certain ministries in the church. I stand on an incredibly narrow line in knowing that serving can give us a reason to be stronger. Serving can grow us up and bring us to a point of maturity. When we feel used and know that we are something important to God's plan many times we step up and do the right thing. We find our lives do have a purpose and what we do matters. We come to an understanding that the whole world does not revolve around us. I know there are other ways to serve and I always give those options as I deliver the blow. It still feels to me that I am saying they are not good enough to work in the kingdom. I imagine the thoughts in their minds saying "if I am not good enough to work then I am not good enough for HIM." I speak this from experience. When I was a young teen my mother was not able to be a table leader in a Christian woman's group she belonged to because she had once been divorced. Never mind that it was years before, never mind that he was a womanizer, an alcoholic, and abusive. She was disqualified, and dismissed as having nothing to say to women, and worse yet not being a "good example". My mom simply worked with the children (I guess that was o.k.) and never seemed to be angry. I on the other hand felt that my mom and the women she would have served had something stolen from them all in the name of Christian perfection. A facade acted out and fiercely protected in churches all across our country. As I lead this thing it is hard to stand in the balance of serving the kids I am called to protect, and assisting the growing process of those who feel called to serve them. Pray for me that I don't fall on either side of this tightrope I walk!

Sorry I have not written much. Things are crazy with end of school year stuff. My Mom would always say how quickly life went by and I never understood her when I was young. Now I know what she was talking about. Alannah graduated from pre school this week. I cried! Not just a tear or two but a real rolling down the cheek cry. I just can't believe my baby is going to kindergarten in a few short months.

A word from Jen Abel

I have not written for a while because, frankly I have not known how to put my feelings down. Jen Abel sent a word from the Lord to me on the e-mail today, and it describes perfectly what I am going through. I feel completely out of control. I can not walk with my agenda in hand any longer. I must find HIS!
Here is her word:
I did have a picture of Jenell that I'll give you both in case it speaks.
In it, Jenell was falling over. It wasn't a crumpling fall as if she had
stumbled, or was overwhelmed and therefore collapsed - no, she went
straight over, slowly. There was an inevitability about it and she was
embracing it - not struggling. There was also a regal quality about her
spirit as she fell that was striking. And the very large, cupped hand of
the Lord was waiting to catch her so that she didn't fall far at all. I
know that Jenell's Mom is sick and this is a difficult time, but I think
it was a picture with more general meaning - speaking to more than the
obvious. The sense I had was that Jenell is trusting the Lord - she is
standing strong and straight - she IS strong in Him, even if she feels
that part of her is falling. And part of her IS falling. This is a hard
time, but the Lord will NOT let her fall far. His very large hand (which
looked very comforting by the way) was waiting to catch her. In fact, in
the picture, I didn't see her actually finish the fall at all, so I'm
thinking that as she continues in the Lord she will not even have that
point of impact.... Still, that sensation itself of falling isn't a nice
one (- unless you happen to be Elliot and you like that kind of thing...).
See what you think.

Thanks Jen, you hit the nail on the head!