home

I am home and recovering from the late night giggle sessions and the heartache of leaving my girlfriends. It was extremely nice to sit and bask in the sun in February. Stucco homes with tile roofs brought me back to my old childhood home. Even the smell of horses, and the desert bushes all brought back memories. I was struck for the first time with all of my experience of the west, how new it is. Houses are popping up everyday and they are all planned around beautiful, and convenient shopping malls. Sidewalks and well planned landscaping somehow give the feeling of utter safety and security. People thin and well tanned walked or bike along these sidewalks to get their Starbucks coffee and visit with other thin and well tanned individuals.
As we drove home through the city of Columbus I was shaken from my utopian society by the old brick buildings boarded up and left for dead. The dark dreary days only add to my wonder of why God would call a western girl with a shallow need for aesthetic beauty and full sun to come to Columbus. It is not that I hate it here, I don’t. I love my job, the kids I work with, and all of the people I have met. People here have a lack of pretension that is refreshing and real. All of this however, does not change the fact that I feel like a fish out of water at times. Sometimes I think I am ruined and will never feel truly comfortable anywhere I go.
I think about the verse that says it is better to live one day in the courts of the Lord than a thousand elsewhere. I really think I am in His courts when my state of mind is submitted to His will. It is not just the physical place; it is the place in my mind I choose to go. Jonah chose to run from Nineveh; Lot’s wife chose to turn back and pine away for what was, but it was their hearts and minds lacking in trust and obedience that brought on the wrath of God. Our actions always seem to follow our true hearts desire. If I look back my entire physical being may not turn to a pillar of salt but my heart just may become a little harder, and my ears my become deaf to the heart of God, and my mouth may only speak ugly nonsensical words. I must go where and only where my family is called. For now there’s no doubt in my mind that we are for now home.